The grieving process is a normal, natural, and healing result of loss; and pain is to be expected. Young people of all ages exhibit grief and reactions. Guilt, anxiety, anger, fear, and sadness may be universal, and the expressions of these emotions may vary from day to day. Helping a young person and yourself through this difficult time may often feel overwhelming; however, knowledge of common reactions to loss may help you recognize behavior for what it is - grieving.

POSSIBLE GRIEF REACTIONS:

· Anger.

· Aggression/acting out: starting fights, outbursts of temper, drop in grades, change of peer affiliation.

· Explosive emotions: gentle tears, wrenching sobs, extremes in behavior.

· Physiological changes: fatigue, trouble sleeping, lack of appetite, headaches, stomach pain.

· Idealization of the deceased person.

· Sadness/emptiness/withdrawal: overwhelmed by feelings of loss when realizes person is not coming back; feels extremely vulnerable.

· Guilt/self-blame: “If only . . .”; “Why didn’t I . . .”; feels responsible for the loss; seeks self-punishment.

· Disorganization: restless, unable to concentrate, uncontrollable tears, difficulty focusing.

· Relief; natural feeling after long illness; can be difficult to admit; may think they are the only one and so feels guilty.

· Lack of feelings: protection from pain; can be a form of numbness; may be difficult to admit and may generate guilt.

HOW TO HELP A YOUNG PERSON WHO IS EXPERIENCING GRIEF:

· Permit or encourage the young person to talk about the person who has died. At the moment of loss and especially after the funeral, this is a vital part of the healing process. Often we want to protect students from the first step of acceptance and of healing.

· Use the terms “died/dead/death” rather than phrases like “passed away,” or “taken from us.” Give an honest explanation for the person’s death, avoiding cliches or easy answers. Straightforward, gentle use of words helps a person confront the reality of the death.

· Explain and accept that everyone has different reactions to death at different times. The reaction might not hit until the funeral or weeks later.

· Reassure the young person that his/her grief feelings are normal. There is no “right” way to react to a loss. Give permission to cry. Let them know it’s OK not to cry if the young person does not typically react in that way.

· Do not attempt to minimize the loss or take the pain away. Phrases like “Don’t worry, it will be OK,” “He had a good life,” or “He is out of pain” are not helpful. Grief is painful. There must be pain before there can be acceptance and healing. It is very difficult to do, but most helpful to acknowledge the person’s pain and permit them to live with it without trying to take it away or make it “better.”

· Encourage the young person to talk about their feelings. Encourage communication first in family, but also be aware of other support people such as clergy, trusted adult friends, trusted peers.

· LISTEN: Listen with your heart. Listening to the feelings of the young person is most important. Listen through the silences. You just being there, showing you care by your listening is more important than knowing what to say or even saying anything at all.

· Help the young person decide about attending the funeral. The funeral can be a way to say goodbye, but abide by the young person’s wish and express understanding if he/she chooses not to go.

A GRIEVING PERSON’S NEEDS:

· To cry.

· To be held.

· To talk.

· To be listened to.

· To feel caring around them to be with people they care about.

· To understand how others may react.

WARNING SIGNS OF SUICIDE

· Suicide threats

· Statements revealing a desire to die

· Previous suicide attempts

· Sudden changes in behavior (withdrawal, moodiness)

· Depression (crying, sleeplessness, loss of appetite)

· Final arrangement (giving away personal possessions)

*If you or a friend is exhibiting a pattern of these symptoms seek adult help immediately.

*EMERGENCY HELP *

24 Hour Assistance – Suicide and Depression

Omaha Police (911)…..............444-5600

Boys Town National Hotline…1-800-448-3000

National Hopeline Network. ...………...…1-800-SuicideAlegent Behavioral Services.…...572-2993

Catholic Charities…….….....554-0520

Lutheran Family Service…………………...…342-7007

Millard Anonymous Hotline…..1-888-426-5432

Not responsible for links outside of Kiewit Middle School and the Information Center Pages.

Kiewit Middle School Media Web Pages maintained by: jbenzel@mpsomaha.org

Pages updated: date